The sun had already set below the horizon, but the dark gray rain clouds had already turned the day into night. The dim light bulb Nan installed cast an orange glow across the inside of the barn. She stayed warm and dry, but could still hear drops of water that leaked from the roof and landed on the barn's floor in various places.
The sense of loneliness and abandonment remained inside her, but it was something she had gotten used to, and even welcomed to a certain degree. Being alone helped reconnect her with herself. She could think more clearly and feel more at peace.
This would be her second full night on her own as an adult, and she relished the thought of being completely left to her own devices. She loved the idea that no matter where she was, she was always at home. With nothing to own and nothing to her name, she belonged only to herself. There was nothing to take care of, nothing to store away, and no responsibilities whatsoever.
"Lara?" Lara turned to look at who called her. It was Nan.
"I brought you some dinner." She said.
Nan sat down a tray holding a plate of boiled potatoes, carrots, and a slice of venison steak.
"Oh thanks!" Lara replied.
Lara dug in. She was famished, having only eaten a few cookies earlier in the morning and one more just now. She ate quickly.
Nan sat down on a bale of hay next to her and watched.
"Wow! this is so good!" Lara remarked while chewing on a piece of venison.
"You like it? It's venison."
"Really? I haven't had venison since I was little."
"My dad goes out deer hunting and gets them processed. One deer usually lasts us several months."
"Thanks so much for this. I really don't have anything to give you!"
"That's OK. I love the company. You probably guessed we don't get many visitors."
"So what do you do?" Lara asked.
"Around here?" Nan answered.
"Well, I mean what do you normally do with yourself?"
"I just take care of my mom and dad and help with things."
"So you've lived all here all your life?"
"Pretty much. When I was sixteen I left home and lived in Raleigh for awhile. But then my dad had a heart attack when I was twenty-four, and my mom needed help, so I came back and been here ever since."
"What did you do in Raleigh?"
"Not much!" Nan smiled and chuckled. "I moved in with my cousin, and then tried to find some jobs, but every job I got I didn't last long. So, when my dad had the heart attack, I just decided to come home."
"Do you have any friends?" Lara asked, digging into the vegetables.
Nan chuckled. "Not anymore. There ain't anybody around here. I mean, I know some people in Elk Park and Beech Mountain, but they're not really friends. Besides, I'm getting older and heavy!"
Lara took a look at Nan. Her short black hair was starting to show some gray, though Lara didn't think she looked old. She was also overweight, but it didn't appear to Lara that Nan was obese or looked anything usual.
"I don't know, you don't look any older or heavier than most people." She offered.
At 37 years of age, Nan had resigned herself to just taking care of her mother and father and not ever pursuing any kind of social life. Her clothes consisted of just oversized t-shirts, baggy jeans, and work boots. It suited the chores she had to do around the house and the property.
Lara finished her dinner, and picked up the tray and set it aside.
"That was delicious! Thank you." She said.
Lara laid down on her side on the quilt. The cold air didn't feel so cold anymore. Staying dry helped. Her skin felt cool, but her insides felt warm.
Nan sat down on the quilt.
"I hope you don't mind me saying, but I really admire what you're doing."
Lara smiled. "What do you mean?"
"Well, I mean just traveling around and not having stuff to worry about. I mean, I wish I could something like that."
"Do you like being naked too?"
Nan smiled. "Well, I meant being so free. I mean, you get to go anywhere you want, and you don't have anybody pulling on you. Don't get me wrong, I do like having a place here to belong to, and I like knowing that I'm inheriting something that's been in my family for generations. But, it also feels like a prison here. So, it's really nice to meet someone like you."
Lara propped her head up with her arm, but remained laying on her quilt. The orange glow of the dim light bulb colored her nude body into a tan and cast dark shadows in various places across the barn.
"Thanks." She said. "I think you're the first person to say something like that."
"Really?" Nan answered. She chuckled slightly. "You'd think around here I could go naked also, but my mom and dad are sticklers on being proper."
Lara smiled. "Why don't you just do it anyways?"
"They'd just give me a hard time about it. I mean, that's why I left home at sixteen. I quit school, and wanted to get away." Nan paused for a few seconds, and then continued. "My mom and dad... Well, they don't like the person that I am."
"What do you mean?" Lara asked.
Nan looked at Lara.
"Well, forgive me if I'm being presumptuous, but I sense something about you... that's a lot like me."
Lara looked at Nan and thought about what she was saying. Nan looked back at her. Lara finally put two and two together and realized what she meant. At that point, Lara lifted herself up and sat, then reached out with her hand. Nan took her hand in return.
"I get it now." Lara said.
Nan smiled, then let go of Lara's hand.
"Well, I should turn in and let you get some sleep." Nan said. "That dinner ought to be working on you by now."
She held her look at Lara just for an extra second, and then got up to pick up the dinner tray. Lara sat and watched her leave
