Ch. 3: Julia's New Car

"I'm definitely going to need this when I go to college!" Julia explained with excitement over her new car.

"So your parents bought you this?" Lara asked.

"Yes! For graduation!" Julia answered. "Come on, I want to take you for a ride!"

"OK, let me get my clothes on!"

Lara went back inside her house and returned with a t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants. The two got in, and drove off.

"Are you going to drive this up to Fort Wayne?" Lara asked, as Julia headed down the street.

"Yeah, all the way!"

"So it's Indiana Tech then, huh?"

Julia nodded. "Yeah, definitely Indiana Tech. I can stay with my aunt and cut my expenses. She's already making room for me."

"That's great. I'm really happy for you." Lara said in a somewhat dry tone.

"Have you figured out where you're going to go?" Julia asked.

"I don't know." Lara answered. "I don't think I want to go to school anymore."

"You just need to find something that interests you, that you can focus on."

"Yeah, like what?"

"Maybe you should become a writer?" Julia offered. "I mean, I know you like to read!"

"I don’t know." Lara said. "You can't make any money writing."

"Well, you don't have to make a lot of money, you just need to make enough to get by.” Julia tried to reason. "I mean, you have an advantage; you don't have to buy clothes!" She giggled.

If anything, nudism was something Lara was interested in.

She was introduced to it at the age of 12.  It was the summer after elementary school, and she had just met Teresa.  Teresa's mother was a nudist, opting to live nude at home and spending her weekends and vacations at nudist resorts. She encouraged her daughter to embrace nudism as well, reasoning that she should be proud of her body.

Every summer Teresa and her mother spent a few weeks at a nudist camp in South Carolina. Teresa asked if Lara could go with them.  Lara asked her mother for permission, and her mother agreed.

After three weeks of being naked outdoors, Lara discovered she loved nudism too. She wasn't exactly sure why, but she reasoned that it made her feel free and happy.

Eventually Lara had recognized there was something about nudity that emphasized the vulnerability she felt inside. It was a way to make transparent the walls that confined the six-year old girl deep inside. She hated having people analyze her problems. She didn't like being recorded on audio or video, and she didn't like people asking questions intended to penetrate into deepest part of her mind. But she did offer the world a small window into her psyche in the form of nudity. However others wanted to interpret her public display was up to them. But only a handful of people who took the time to befriend her would ever fully understand how she used nudity as a form of self-expression.

Lara began visiting Teresa more often so that she could experience nudity.

Lara's mother eventually gave in to her requests to remain nude in the house, but only on the condition that she put her clothes back on when they had guests.

"You still have to have some clothes." Lara said to Julia.

"Well, maybe you can be the first naked writer!" Julia joked.

"Naked writer?" Lara looked at Julia with surprise.

"Hey, if anyone can get by without clothes, it's definitely you Lara!"

Lara rolled her eyes.

"I mean, you could make a big name for yourself!"

"Yeah, sure; I'll bet everyone will have a lot of names for me." Lara said negatively.

Julia continued driving, and for a minute the two didn't say anything.

Finally, Lara pulled her t-shirt off and then lifted her butt up off the seat and removed her sweats.

Ch. 2: The Training of Lara

Six years earlier, deep inside the fiction section of a branch library in Charleston, Teresa held Lara against a book shelf. The two friends had bonded quickly and tightly together in just two months. The highly dominant Teresa had already begun training the easily submissive Lara. The two were like fire and gasoline, deeply attracted to one another, but a devastation in the making.

Lara panted in both despair and fear as the towering Teresa leaned in and took charge.

"Don't look at anyone else but me! You got it?"

"Yes Master."

"You have to stay next to me at all times! You got that?"

"Yes Master."

"If anybody says something to you, you ignore them!"

"Yes Master."

"Who is the boss here?"

"You Master!" Lara whined and whimpered.

"Who protects you?"

"You Master!"

"Who loves you?"

"You Master!"

"Good!" Teresa smiled, backing off.

Teresa hugged her close, putting one hand on the back of her head, and whispered, "I love you Lara. I won't let anyone hurt you. You have to trust me, Okay?"

"Yes Master."

Such was the standard dialog between the two. It became so much so that it became a significant branch through Lara's neural pathways, causing seek out the shelter of someone larger and stronger to latch on to.

Over the course of the next four years, Teresa would re-establish this over and over by testing Lara's resolve to place all faith into Teresa's tall, strong build, intelligent mind, and fearless feminism to protect her. Lara was trained to stop doubting Teresa and do whatever she asked without hesitation, even in the most public and most humiliating of circumstances. In return, Teresa praised her, cherished her, and protected her.

Teresa was tall, reaching six feet even when she entered high school. Physically she was built like a tank, muscular with strong thighs and calves. She started soccer at age five, and by seven she was in girls softball and taking Tae Kwon Do lessons. By the time she entered high school, she was a center in girls basketball.

Lara, by comparison, was slender and short. When she entered high school, she stood 5'1", almost a full foot shorter than Teresa, and about 130 pounds lighter. She never participated in sports, choosing to read books in her bedroom.

Teresa's infatuation with control grew at the hands of her mother. Her mother was domineering and devoted her entire motherhood on Teresa's day to day life. Teresa was given strict orders on how to do chores, how to prepare meals, and how to interact with others. Her time at home was carefully managed to optimize homework, practice sports, and watch television news with her mother. The fact that Teresa had no control over her own life, encouraged her to seek control of someone else.

"Ooh, look at this!" Teresa swooned, holding up a white, thigh-length dress made of sheer material at a clothing boutique.

Lara raised her eyes, expressing a feeling of uncertainty.

Teresa laughed.

"This will look so hot on you!"

Lara was a toy for Teresa's amusement.

Teresa loved to push the limits of acceptable behavior by putting Lara in a variety of compromising situations. She used her as bait to lure people into a confrontation and then challenge them with her physical size, aggressiveness, and intellect. And when others did, Teresa was always more than equal to the task, relying on all her skills to out-speak and out-muscle anyone who tried. Once Teresa emerged the victor, she felt the sense of elation and enjoyed the respect she got from others.

"Yeah... You're definitely going to the mall in this!" Teresa said excitingly.

Lara felt anxious about being paraded publicly in such conspicuous attire. 

"That? Really?" She expressed with fear and trepidation.

"Remember what I said? Don't pay attention to anyone. You just stay by me." Teresa would often say.

"Yes, Master." Lara whispered.

As long as Lara felt confident that Teresa could protect her, she submitted to whatever Teresa demanded. The public spectacle also caused Lara to clutch on to Teresa, making her feel ever so dependent. Teresa enjoyed being a thorn in the public's side, knowing no one could stop her.

Teresa fed Lara the praise she needed and the love she craved, though did not have the maternal qualities that she needed to feel fulfilled. But what Teresa did have to offer was a layer of sexuality that appealed to Lara's hormonal changes. Lara had become trained to associate sex with love, praise, and protection.

Meanwhile, Lara earned a reputation as a lesbian whore.

"It's just words." Teresa often remarked to Lara. "As long as you stay with me no one will bother you."

And no one ever did. But it didn't ease Lara's mind. It only made her more dependent on Teresa. And Lara had already realized Teresa was right. It was just people talking, whispering, and giggling. Lara had learned to turn a blind eye to it as long as Teresa was there to latch on to.

It was an event in a movie theater that ultimately cost the two girls their friendship. Teresa had pushed their public spectacle to such great limits that it ultimately lead to their breakup.

"What a sweetheart!" Teresa whispered, while Lara couched down in front of her seat.

Teresa's attention was broken when she heard a girl's voice several rows and seats away. "Oh my god!"

Immediately, Teresa sat up. Lara moved out and got back into her seat as well.

In the days following, rumors spread around school that Lara and Teresa were caught in the middle of a movie theater. The grape vine twisted the story in varying degrees, some stating that the two girls were arrested by police, while others described them as having sex with boys in the theater.

The school principal called Lara's mother, and put into a motion a chain of events that led to Teresa being forcibly transferred to a different high school. Both mothers were required to keep their respective daughters from seeing each other. Teresa's mother, however, defended her daughter, going so far as to take some pride in how aggressive and dominant she had become. Lara's mother scolded her daughter and described her as "slutty".

The breakup devastated Lara. She was now left to fend for herself at school. Teresa would not be there to latch on to. Boys and girls joked about her, pointed her out, and whispered and giggled when they saw her. Even when their smiles and laughs were not directed at her, she still assumed it was, and it drove her crazy. Voices in her head began to form, telling her that people were plotting against her and that they all hated her. Her warped sense of reality and her heightened anxieties caused her to misinterpret words and actions to such an exaggerated degree, she threw fits of anger, yelled at students in classes, and broke down crying in front of everyone.

The school principal had suggested to her mother that Lara be moved to a specialized school for students with mental illness. However, her mother insisted that not happen because it was much further away from home and would create a burden on her drive Lara to school and back. Lara was forced endure psychological trauma until her graduation.

Once she made it home from school, she hid in her room and used masturbation as a way to calm her anxiety, conjuring up memories of her favorite maternal figure, her first grade teacher Miss Stanton.

* * *

"I'm so sorry that happened to you Lara." Julia expressed.

Lara kept her hands to her face, trying to contain the emotions. She nodded her head in response as the two sat on Lara's bed.

Julia and Lara renewed their friendship after the breakup.

Even though two had been friends since kindergarten, they had drifted apart by the tail end of the sixth grade. Julia sought to pursue pop culture, indulging in the latest music, wearing the newest fashions, and flirting with boys. Meanwhile, Lara had continued on as introverted, wearing simple clothing, and reading books. Julia made friends with girls in popular cliques, while Lara met Teresa.

But by the beginning of high school, Julia found herself unable to keep up with popular trends and the demands of her cliques. She dropped out of circles and focused on her studies instead. It happened to be the right time for her. Lara had just been forcibly separated from Teresa.

The two spent their remaining years of high school as best friends again. After school, they often hung out in Lara's bedroom, doing homework and talking about the usual girl's stuff. However, Lara struggled to find peace within herself, and sometimes mistook Julia's laughter the wrong way.

"I masturbate to calm myself down." Lara finally admitted to Julia one day after school.

Julia giggled. "Oh my God, Lara!"

"What?" Lara responded.

"Uh, nothing!" Julia chuckled.

Without a father in her life, and having a mother that ignored her, Lara never learned about boundaries. It became exacerbated in her relationship with Teresa. Lara often talked about things that most people kept to themselves. She didn't see the embarrassment of masturbation, nor the reason to abstain from it in the company of trusted friends and family.

"Well, I just wanted you to know because you might see me doing it."

Julia opened her eyes wide and grinned in disbelief. "Really?"

"Well, I'm sorry!" Lara answered.

Julia giggled and rolled her eyes.

She didn't mind at all in reality. Julia was in fact highly intrigued. However, her entire upbringing was guided by strict Christian parents. She had been trained to express herself as modest, as if she felt no sexual urges. But in fact, Julia felt jealous of Lara's ability to publicly express her sexuality. Julia found it stimulating, yet she was too afraid to embrace it.

Over the next several semesters, Julia got to witness it all. Lara revealed the warped and abusive relationship she had with Teresa to great detail. Lara preferred to be nude at all times, even while Julia visited, and often touched herself casually, not to orgasm, but just from the habit of calming her anxieties. Julia was never embarrassed to watch, but still felt compelled to express modesty in the way a God-fearing child was expected. But, she understood the psychological scars Lara had bore. Julia was more shocked to confirm the rumors she heard at school, sometimes going so far as to weep for Lara.

And when Lara touched herself, she slowly brought out the six-year old girl. Julia witnessed this alter all too often, and she found herself taking on a big-sister role, offering her an endless supply of friendship and patience.

Ch. 1: High School Graduation

On a sunny afternoon in Charleston, South Carolina, a girl stood at the top of the steps of the auditorium and yelled over a crowd of people below, “Lara!”

Down in the plaza below, walking quickly towards the parking lot, Lara tucked her diploma under her arm and held her hands up to each side of her face to conceal her identity. 

"Everyone's staring at me!" she thought to herself. "They keep staring at me!"

"Lara!" the girl yelled out again.

Keeping her head down, Lara continued towards the parking lot with a determined gate, looking as if she were trying to be small and unnoticeable.

Boys and girls all dressed in the same purple and gold graduation gowns mingled with their families and friends. Laughter and screams of elation burst out like cannon fire as Lara weaved left and right, wincing her eyes, and shuffling her feet in haste across the plaza.

The girl at the top of the steps pulled her graduation gown a few inches up from her feet and rushed down into the plaza, seemingly determined to get to Lara as quickly as possible.

"Lara! Wait!" she yelled out.

Lara stumbled and fell when she lost her footing stepping down from the curb to the parking lot asphalt.

"Ah!" she cried, struggling to pick herself up.

"Lara! Stop!" the girl continued to call.

Lara saw a van a several rows into the parking lot and turned behind it, shielding herself from view of crowd.

"Oh my God, Lara!" the girl said, finally reaching the panicked girl.

"Julia!" Lara cried, grabbing hold of her gown and pulling her in close for a hug.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm here now, I'm here."

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"I know, it's okay. Just breathe, okay? Just breathe."

"They just all started looking at me!" Lara explained, clutching her friend while laying her head on Julia's shoulder. "I could hear them all whispering and giggling, and telling each other things about me. And the whole audience started talking and laughing when they called my name! I just hate it here! I just hate it here!"

Tears flowed down Lara's face and soaked into Julia's graduation gown. Julia, who stood several inches taller, held on to her, patting her gently on the back.

"I know Lara, I know."

"And oh my God! Teresa was there!"

Julia took in a surprised breath. "I know! I saw her!"

"I mean, she just stood there staring at me with her arms folded, and she had this mean look on her face. I mean, what am I supposed to do? She's never going to let me move on! I mean, I don't need this right now! I've got a lot going on, and I can't deal with this right now!"

"I know Lara." Julia comforted, patting her back softly. "She had no right to be here. No right."

"Oh my God!" Lara shrieked with a grimace, pulling herself away from Julia. "This gown is horrible! I'm just sweating in this thing!"

Lara pulled her graduation gown up over her head, revealing a fully nude, moderately tanned body.

Julia put a hand up to her mouth, trying to conceal a smile while looking in all directions. "How did I know you'd be naked underneath!"

Lara sloppily folded her gown in haste and began fanning her body.

"Oh my God! That's so much better!"

"Just breathe deep Lara. Come on, slowly..."

Lara closed her eyes, fanning herself, and taking in long deep breaths. Her dirty blonde hair waved with the air movements she made.

"Well, high school is all over now. You did a great job of sticking it out!"

"I know right!" Lara coughed, trying to answer in the middle of taking a deep breath.

"Hey, where's your family?" Julia asked.

"They didn't come."

"What? Nobody came?"

Lara took in another deep breath. "My mom said she was going to be here, but I never saw her."

"Oh, you poor thing!" Julia consoled, reaching her arms out and pulling Lara's naked body in for another hug.

"Yeah, typical, right?"

"Well hey... My parents and I are going to Domo's right now for pizza. Come with us, okay?"

Lara made the kind of smile that expressed thanks but no thanks.

"I can't. I really just want to go home."

"Okay. Well, my parents are waiting for me back there. I guess I better go back. But, I'll call you tonight, okay?"

"Yeah, sounds great."

"Oh, here." Julia said, handing Lara's diploma to her. "You dropped this back there."

Lara looked surprised, looking at her hand clutching her graduation gown, and coming to the realization that she no longer had the diploma in her possession.

"Oh my God!"

"Well, I guess you were in quite a panic!

"Thank you!"

Julia smiled. Her face seemed to express satisfaction. Lara appeared to have calmed down. "Remember, I love you, okay?"

Lara nodded and smiled.

"Bye!" Julia waved her hand, walking away.

Lara took in several more deep breaths then gingerly put her graduation gown back on. She stepped out from behind the van and yelled out to Julia, "I love you!"

Julia turned around from several yards away, put her fingers up to her lips, and blew a kiss back. 

***

Walking into her home, Lara tossed the diploma on the coffee table and proceeded straight to her bedroom. She undressed herself nude and sat down on her bed.

Inside the drawer of her night stand laid an eight-by-ten class photo from her first grade. Lara's photo was at the very end. Just below hers was the photo of Miss Stanton, her teacher. Lara laid down on top of the covers and held the photo with her right hand while reaching down in between her thighs with her left to sooth herself.

She dropped the photo to her side, cocked her head and torso to the left, and withdrew into her mind where memories mixed with fantasies and conjured up a six-year old girl, forever in first grade, trapped deep inside...

"Come sit on my lap!" Miss Stanton invited, tapping her thigh and smiling as Lara entered the classroom.

Lara approached with a wide smile of anticipation. She lifted her arms up as Miss Stanton picked her up and sat her down on her lap.

"Look, I brought flowers for you!" Lara said proudly.

"Oh, why thank you Lara! You're so sweet!"

"I picked them myself!"

"So nice! Here, I'll put them in this little vase and leave them on my desk. That way, I can always see them and think of you!"

Somewhere along in her upbringing, Lara had sexualized the memory of Miss Stanton twisting fact into fantasy. Slow, gentle touches were all that were needed to keep her dissociated from reality and her anxieties at rest.

There was a knock on Lara's bedroom door.

"Lara?"

Her mother stood on the other side, putting her ear to the door to listen carefully for a response. There was none. She opened the door slowly, enough to look with both eyes to see if Lara was inside.

The years had not been kind to her mother. Lara's father had run away before she was born, leaving her to find work while trying to nurse a newborn baby. Giving birth to two more sons out of wedlock only made her more busy, denying Lara the love and nurturing she needed. Now at age forty, the wrinkles and graying hair had become pronounced. The life she wanted seemed to have passed her by. She stopped wearing makeup, stopped wearing pretty dresses, and stopped holding on to hope she could be married someday.

She walked in slowly and quietly, so as not to disturb her troubled daughter. She held Lara's diploma in her hand. She eased herself down on the edge of the bed, taking time to rest her weight carefully on the mattress, then placed her hand on Lara's foot, rubbing it gently.

Lara continued to soothe herself, unaware her mother had entered. Her mother, by contrast, had witnessed her daughter in this six-year old alter many times before, and was all to aware of her traumatic experiences, her dissociative identity disorder, and her struggles with anxiety.

Lara opened her eyes to find her mother sitting before her.

"Hi Mommy!" she smiled.

"Hi Baby." her mother answered. "How are you feeling?"

"I saw Julia today!"

"Oh, that's wonderful! She's such a sweetheart."

"She's going to call me tonight!"

"That's good. Did you have a good time at the graduation ceremony?"

"Yes!" Lara nodded and grinned. "I got my diploma!"

"I saw that! I brought it here for you."

Lara grabbed the diploma to look at it, then turned it around to show her mother with pride. "I graduated!"

Her mother smiled.

"I know. I'm very proud of you. Well, I just came in to see how you're doing, that's all. Can you give Mommy a hug?"

Lara sat up and hugged her mother.

"I love you so much!" she whispered.

"I love you too Mommy."

"Well I have to go. I'm meeting friends in downtown, but I'll be back to kiss you goodnight, okay?"

"Okay!" Lara said.

Her mother got up and walked towards the bedroom door, turning to smile at her daughter, then closing the door. Lara laid back down and continued to soothe herself, falling back into her memories...

"It would be so much fun to do your hair Lara!" Miss Stanton said. "We could put in some curls and a cute little flower barrette."

"That would be fun!" Lara smiled.

"Well you're just a little sweetheart!"